Care in Midstream - Library

How To Talk To Someone Who Has Dementia

A frequent challenge faced by loved ones is how do you talk to someone who has Dementia. Communication is often strained or non-existent as we struggle to connect with someone we barely know anymore.

  • Am I going to say the right thing?
  • Is our conversation going to cause more anxiety?
  • What if they don’t talk back to me?
  • Am I going to cause emotional pain or confusion without meaning to?
  • Is conversation even worth it anymore?


These are all questions that enter our minds when we try to talk to someone with Dementia. But, unfortunately, instead of feeling positive and hopeful about a visit or encounter, we feel strained and anxious. One of the most complex parts of caring for and knowing how to talk to someone with Dementia is avoiding further confusion and conflict. We have to learn new ways of communication. So how do we keep confusion and conflict at a minimum when we talk to someone with Dementia? 

Always agree, never argue: When we talk to someone with Dementia, it is easy to want to correct them. We hear them mix up memories or even create new ones. The temptation to steer them toward the truth is strong. In their mind, however, they are speaking the truth. There is rarely any malicious intent behind the lies. As we talk to someone with Dementia, we need to work hard to enter their world and remember to agree even with their delusions. Always redirect, never reason: When we talk to someone with Dementia, we sometimes unintentionally and, despite our best efforts, stumble on a subject that causes tension or even argument. In these instances, while we want to reason out of the argument or try to
convince, redirection is our best course of action.

Always distract, never shame: A common issue when we talk to someone with Dementia is our words and actions can bring shame and humiliation to our loved one. Talking about them instead of to them or with them. Pointing out the weird or surprising things they do or say. Correcting them, especially in front of others. Making a big deal of accidents and things they can no longer control. Dementia carries enough humiliation and shame without our help. As difficult as it is, when we talk to someone with Dementia, we must remember not to bring further embarrassment to our loved one.

Always reassure, never lecture: Going hand in hand with not bringing shame when we talk to someone with Dementia is providing reassurance. They need to know you’re there to support them and hold their hand (figuratively and literally) through this very dark disease.

Always reminisce, never say “remember”: One of the first things we do when we sit down to talk to someone with Dementia is trying to bring up old memories. Talk about the good times, the trips, the family and friends. Look through old photos and recollect as you go. You have created a happy moment for your loved one and added a wonderful memory for you.

Always repeat, never say “I already told you”: One of the most frustrating parts of trying to talk to someone with Dementia is the constant repetition. Questions will be asked repeatedly with no memory of it being asked before. Statements will be repeated continuously and sometimes without pause.

When you talk to someone with Dementia, you have to remember that even though you’ve repeated yourself to the point of frustration, to them, it is the first time you’ve responded. When you react angrily or mildly irritably, they have no idea what they could have done and become hurt by your negativity.