Older adults with Alzheimer’s or dementia still enjoy having visitors. But it takes skill for both sides to have a positive experience when visiting someone with Alzheimer’s or dementia. So, set visitors up for success by sharing some do’s and don’ts beforehand. Having a great visit and understanding more about dementia might even encourage family and friends to visit more often.
DO
- Keep your tone and body language friendly and upbeat.
- Don’t speak too loudly.
- Make eye contact and stay at their eye level.
- Introduce yourself even if you’re sure they must know you. “Hi, Grandma, I’m John, your grandson.”
- Speak slowly and in short sentences with only one idea per sentence. For example: “Hi Mary. I’m Jane, your friend.” Or “What a beautiful day. The sunshine is nice, isn’t it?”
- Give them extra time to speak or answer questions; don’t rush the conversation.
- Use open-ended questions because there are no right or wrong answers.
- Be comfortable with sitting together in silence. They may enjoy that just as much as talking.
- Follow their lead; don’t force conversation topics or activities.
- Validate their feelings. Allow them to express sadness, fear, or anger.
- Enter their reality. Go with the flow of the conversation, even if they talk about things that aren’t true.
- Share and discuss memories of the past. They’re more likely to remember things from long ago.
- Come prepared with an activity, like something to read aloud or a photo album to look at.
- Give hugs, gentle touches, or massage arms or shoulders if the person gives permission and enjoys it.
DON'T
- Don’t say, “Do you remember?” This can cause anger or embarrassment.
- Don’t argue. If they say something that’s not correct, just let it go.
- Don’t point out mistakes. It just makes them feel bad and doesn’t help the conversation.
- Don’t assume they don’t remember anything. Many people have moments of clarity.
- Don’t take mean or nasty things they say personally. The disease may twist their words or make them react badly out of confusion, frustration, or anger.
- Don’t talk down to them. They aren’t children, and you should show the proper respect.
Tips for planning visits
- Limit visitors to one or two people at a time. Too many people can be overwhelming.
- Schedule visits for the time of day when your older adult is usually at their best.
- Minimise distractions by keeping the environment calm and quiet. Turn off the TV or loud music and ask non-visitors to go to another room.